the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
