would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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