her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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