From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
