I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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