Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
