You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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