i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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