you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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