i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
