My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Alive.
So much puke
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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