i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
