At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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