Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
