She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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