my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
