yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
