i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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