um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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