Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
