Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
