I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she told me i tasted like america
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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