Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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