I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
