i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
