I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
