Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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