Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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