the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
