kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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