Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
