she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
