last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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