Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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