chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
