I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
