Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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