I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I need to align my fucking chakras
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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