Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize