does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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