he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
