You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
