I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
