What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
