im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
