i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
