she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
