I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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