I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
