But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
