In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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