The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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