I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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