I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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