Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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