she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
