Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize