week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
