That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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