so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Even my vagina gasped.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
