and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Terrible idea I love it
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