i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
