She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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