My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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