he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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