and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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