Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
