yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
