u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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