Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
