My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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