When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
