ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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