His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
