Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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