I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
