I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
