Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
