I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
