I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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