Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
